Believe it or not, I actually came up with something.

I imagine that you're all surprised, those few that may or may not still read.

I wish I could understand the logic inside my little brother's head. I cannot understand why he does things that are obviously stupid and going to hurt someone or involve him lying. What is it that his brain lacks to tell him that no, that's not a good idea. He's old enough to know these things aren't good/right, but he ignores it.

I told my mother today that I feel like he's a drug addict. He wants just one more chance to make it better, and while I really want to believe that he's changed and will do what it takes to make us proud and stop the idiocy that he brings upon himself...I don't want to be hurt or disappointed again.

The torch inside of me, my child-like positivity and innocence wants to believe that this time, it's really true. But that flame is weak, quite frankly, with all of the hope it's had to give to others.

I need to take a night to myself, to reconnect with that optimism. I need Disney. I'm not ready to be realistic.

I feel like I'm only good at pissing the people I care about off.

I suck at life.

*puts big fat F on her paper of life*

I'm doing a lot this semester.

Many think that I may explode about mid-term.

The sad thing is...

I'm scared they're right.

I had a bit of an emotional breakdown a few nights ago. It wasn't stress of school, just outside things getting to me. The feelings I have that have become a bit typical for me are keeping me on edge. I'm not used to myself without constant happiness in some way, or the ridiculous amount of optimism I'm known for having.

Is this what growing up is supposed to feel like?

I miss my inner child.